Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
