We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
