took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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