i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Your cock deserves a montage
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
