I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
