one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
