Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
