I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
