question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The uberlube is also flammable
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
