You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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