I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
