Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
