nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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