You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
