you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
