Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
