when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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