The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
