Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
