Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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