I will die if light touches me.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
