The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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