we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
