She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So here I am, sexting at work.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
