Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
