Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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