Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
