Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We have started to decorate penises.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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