a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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