Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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