when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
