Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
