I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
