lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
