Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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