I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I party with great urgency now.
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