No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
