just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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