so explain again why im purple
no
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
