Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm like, not good at living.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
