dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
