I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize