Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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