I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
