4 words: hood of his car
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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