Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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