we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
