Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
