Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Bring me that man meat
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Your penis caused this!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
