Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
