I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
