It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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