she pinky promised me she was 18
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
