Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
