I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
