we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize