Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
