I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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