The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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