come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
