Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
