On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
