Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
