I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
