dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
