On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you win again, gameday.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
