Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize