yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
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I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize