we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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