I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
