I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
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he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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