I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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