There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
