??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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