At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
